Four years is a long time. In the middle of 2020, like so many others, I found myself with an abundance of both free time and mental illness. So I asked myself, “What if I developed a recipe for King’s Hawaiian Buns, from scratch?” I didn’t know it yet, but big mistake. After doing some research, I decided I also wanted to see if I could do it “the original way,” by which I meant that I could only use honey and pineapple juice as sweeteners. “Easy,” I told myself, “just do some calculations and make sure everything comes out to the right hydration, etc., etc., etc.” Bigger mistake. 

I’m writing this now in 2024, and I’ve made so much bad dough.

You learn a lot from repeated failure. For example, early on I figured out I had to use pineapple juice concentrate to keep the hydration levels correct. Months later, I would learn about enriched doughs and osmotolerant yeast. I learned about “the sponge method,” the complexity of gluten development, and pineapple enzymes. I did a lot of math, took so many notes. And I kept messing it up; the dough would never come together, would never rise. I know now that the fix was simple: my recipe was overhydrated; it needed more flour. But sometimes you have to keep making the same mistakes over and over before you can finally address them in any meaningful way. Four years is a long time.

Here’s some other things I tried: I got laid-off and then re-hired. I went through a major break-up. I moved across the country for a year-and-a-half, and then moved back across the country again. I went through two [amazing] therapists. I spent a year watching 1000 movies. One summer, I worked on a sailboat; another fall I worked in a garden. I watched one of my best friends get married. I attended funerals. The whole time I cried a lot, but I also learned how to be less repressed for the first time in my life. I made new friends. I turned 33. Somehow, all of those things were necessary too. Four years is a long time.

So yeah, I don’t know, just buy them from the store.